Do you ever have those moments where you just say to yourself... "Man I need Jesus"?
Like really need him... It's a quiet statement you whisper under your breath but you feel it, need it with all that your heart can muster? I'm having that moment. I'm stuck in this place of "Man I need you, Jesus" and I know he knows exactly what I mean by that...
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Going through my workbook...
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"
-1 Corinthians 2:9
Do you believe it? I do... it's hard to remember when the boat is rocking and the waves look like they are about to swallow me whole...but I know it because there have been traces of it throughout my life and I know more is to come...
That's all for now folks...
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
I've lost count...
First Love
That's what this past weekend was all about... I went to a retreat with just the singles (plus a few brave college kids). We haven't had a retreat like this in awhile and I think it was pretty needed...
The week leading up to the retreat was pretty crazy and horrible... enough that I wasn't really sure I wanted to go anymore. Things picked up towards the end of the week but I didn't feel ready to go...
God is funny because it's ALWAYS when you least expect something that He surprises you. I went into this retreat a little bit distracted, preoccupied and with no expectations but a chance to be away from the city and be around good company... but God (as He usually does) had other plans.
As the speaker spoke over three sessions about First Love... God was up to something else... The first session the speaker shared a story that is so accurately depicting something that I'm about to do... Not sure that it was "prophetic" but it was too alike for me to dismiss it as mere coincidence... In session 2, there were many great points but like the first session, something he shared stuck out to me. He said that unforgiveness stifles our love with God. BAM! As soon as he said that, a conversation I had with a friend earlier in the week regarding the crazy, horrible things I mentioned at the beginning of this entry ran through my mind.
Initially as she was sharing her thoughts with me I thought it was just general advice... but as it played through my mind something clicked... these two pieces belong together!!! You might be curious about her advice and how it has anything to do with what the speaker shared... She said over my situation... that there must be a reason God is not allowing it to just go away... why it keeps coming up... that God is preparing me for something else by making me see this thing through all the way... but I dismissed it because that's not what I wanted to hear... hahaha. But you know those two pieces didn't even sink in until after the sermon was over and I was walking with a friend to get lunch... As I was sharing with her... I started realizing almost instantaneously that God is quite possibly calling me to actively and voluntarily pray for the people I want to forgive the least. So far it's only by the Holy Spirit's prompting that I will pray for them... and usually I do it but very grudgingly... the crazier thing is that I think this is the key to unlocking what God has been waiting to give me...(still not sure what that is but pretty sure I want it). I'm not talking about generally but I specifically have people that I struggle to forgive and the enemy knows it... he throws it back in my face from time to time... the timing is the most interesting part because a few weeks ago I was sharing how I felt God had healed a lot of me but there were a few remnants left... small pieces but still so jagged... it felt like God wanted to remove those last remaining pieces too... I just didn't ever think that it would have to be in this way... My flesh is fighting so hard because it's not something I want to do... but my spirit is stronger and I have to know and trust that if God deems this to be the way it must be the best way possible for me and for Him. So practically speaking... I said that I would pray for them every day until the Lord finally removes this from me. It's not going to be easy... I haven't even started it and already so much of me is hesitating... but I gotta keep my eye on the prize!!
Initially as she was sharing her thoughts with me I thought it was just general advice... but as it played through my mind something clicked... these two pieces belong together!!! You might be curious about her advice and how it has anything to do with what the speaker shared... She said over my situation... that there must be a reason God is not allowing it to just go away... why it keeps coming up... that God is preparing me for something else by making me see this thing through all the way... but I dismissed it because that's not what I wanted to hear... hahaha. But you know those two pieces didn't even sink in until after the sermon was over and I was walking with a friend to get lunch... As I was sharing with her... I started realizing almost instantaneously that God is quite possibly calling me to actively and voluntarily pray for the people I want to forgive the least. So far it's only by the Holy Spirit's prompting that I will pray for them... and usually I do it but very grudgingly... the crazier thing is that I think this is the key to unlocking what God has been waiting to give me...(still not sure what that is but pretty sure I want it). I'm not talking about generally but I specifically have people that I struggle to forgive and the enemy knows it... he throws it back in my face from time to time... the timing is the most interesting part because a few weeks ago I was sharing how I felt God had healed a lot of me but there were a few remnants left... small pieces but still so jagged... it felt like God wanted to remove those last remaining pieces too... I just didn't ever think that it would have to be in this way... My flesh is fighting so hard because it's not something I want to do... but my spirit is stronger and I have to know and trust that if God deems this to be the way it must be the best way possible for me and for Him. So practically speaking... I said that I would pray for them every day until the Lord finally removes this from me. It's not going to be easy... I haven't even started it and already so much of me is hesitating... but I gotta keep my eye on the prize!!
Session 3 was the last sermon our speaker gave before he had to jet away that night to get back to his home church. This one was pretty cool because he spoke on a passage that is well known... Jesus walking on water but he explained it in a way I had not ever heard before. Most people (including myself) read that passage and see Peter wanting to step out in faith... but then after he steps out of the boat, he freaks out and starts sinking. To me... Peter failed. But what I failed to notice was not one of the other 12 disciples EVER dared to ask or do the same as Peter... The speaker pointed out that Peter didn't fail... he said rather we fail when Jesus says come and we don't go... or when we do fall, we don't call out to Jesus but look to other things to save us. Peter saw an opportunity where the others saw the obstacles.
He ended the session asking all of us what our boats are that we need to step out of because we all have one... and as he was saying it.. immediately I felt the Lord press it on my heart for a sister of mine... it was crazy because it wasn't a logical desire of mine. I wasn't sitting there thinking oh that message is for her... it was, again, instantaneous. As the speaker spoke it I felt the Lord pressing it so firmly into my heart for her.. as if those words were the very thing God wanted to specifically say to her... Step out of the boat. It wasn't until after that I started realizing that my prayers for her before we even got to the retreat were in line with what I felt God himself was desiring for her. And then another sister came to mind as well... God wanting specifically for them to step out of their boats despite the wind, the choppy waters, being far away from the shore, the dark of night, how deep the water might be...despite everything around them saying don't do it... Jesus says Come...and that they will... we all will go.
There's something really special about this year... God is setting things into motion... I can't wait til the end of this year to be able to reflect back and speak with excitement, amazement and wonder to all the things the Lord was able to accomplish!!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Day 19
Today I went to a meeting with not enough sleep... but surprisingly I woke up pretty alert...
For our devotional we looked at Matthew 8:5-13
For our devotional we looked at Matthew 8:5-13
The Faith of the Centurion
5 When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6 “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering.”
7 Jesus said to him, “I will go and heal him.”
8 The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
10 When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, “I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11 I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12 But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that very hour.
I've read this passage many times before and sort of took it for what it's worth but something about it today really struck me a little bit more deeply than I had before... You know those times where you read something that you've always known but for some reason truths that you already know seem magnified and they really hit you even though it's such simple knowledge and not really anything new per se? I think this is definitely evidence that makes Scripture the "Living Word" of God... anyways I digress...
So all that to say I had that moment today. We were discussing how this passage is so different from many of the miracles and healings Jesus had done previously... why? Typically people ask Jesus to come to them or heal their sick... but in this passage Jesus volunteers to go to a centurion's house. (A Centurion is a Roman commander of 100 soldiers). But what is crazier is the centurion's response. Now with a quick glance it doesn't really seem all that out of the ordinary but you gotta remember Jesus came for his people who could not recognize him... and here is a Roman commander who by his response not only recognizes that Jesus is healer BUT he recognizes Jesus's authority!!! That's something many that had come before the centurion did not grasp. They knew Jesus as healer.. miracle worker... lots of different things but they didn't understand the authority that Jesus carried... no wonder they were so quick to change their minds and opinion of Jesus!
This also explains why Jesus gets so exasperated with the Israelites at times... because they just didn't get it... He wasn't there to just perform miracles and heal the sick... he came for so much more...
This also explains why Jesus responded the way he did to the centurion! Can you imagine being in Jesus' shoes... coming to earth, humbling yourself to be a human.... wanting so much for your own people to open their eyes but over and over they don't understand... and then voila! A Roman commander nonetheless is able to grasp a truth that the Pharisees and the Sadducee could not!! Even though they knew the prophecies of the coming Messiah better than anyone else!
That is some crazy stuff if you think about it! Love when the simple things come alive!
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On a different note: I continued reading past that initial devo and something caught my eye...
16 That evening many demon-possessed people were brought to Jesus. He cast out the evil spirits with a simple command, and he healed all the sick. 17This fulfilled the word of the Lord through the prophet Isaiah, who said,
“He took our sicknesses
and removed our diseases.”[d]
and removed our diseases.”[d]
The last part caught my attention because I know several who are afflicted and man when I find nuggets of truth like this I definitely hold on. There's nothing like using Scripture to pray in faith, power and authority back to the One. It's not a "throwing back in His face" type prayer but it's like God you say your Word is true... and this is something that is written... stay true and faithful to what has been written because I know that you are a God that holds to His word and does not change like shifting sands as I do... And God I thank you so much for that.. for your faithfulness and for your trust! It's incredible that you left something so valuable in the hands of man... Jesus you said yourself that we would go on to do even greater things than you yourself did on this earth! That's crazy!! But that means if Lord you were able to heal the sick how much more have you enabled us to carry out your good works!
Adding to my ammunition.... :)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Day 9-15
Sooo I lost track of time and pretty much a whole week of blogging... oops...
In that time I watched A LOT of TV.... especially towards the tail end of last week. My roomie and I started watching Eli Stone on Netflix and totally got hooked. We finished the 1st season and about half way through the 2nd one last week.... tonight I finished the rest of season 2 and it is the main point of this entry...
For background sake: Eli Stone is a lawyer who gets diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and starts seeing visions... soon he starts learning that these visions aren't just hallucinations but God prompting him to take on certain cases or predicting what's to come... Eli is not a believer and dismisses these crazy things he's seeing but through it he learns about himself and also about his father who suffered the same aneurysms as well as visions (which Eli and his brother thought his dad was crazy and just a drunk but they learn later that their dad predicted their lives in a way they could never imagine)
Its cool because both ym and I have had dreams.. visions while sleeping... some of hers have come true.. as have some of mine. It was really interesting watching it from a secular show which explains all the late nights and watching "just one more" episode.. hehe.
Unfortunately it only lasted two seasons... and as I watched the finale... I was really struck by how it ended. Eli meets his earthly dad in a vision (ironically in a snow globe) and talks to him... asking if his earthly dad who he sees and knows is dead is really God.. his dad just answers that it's complicated. They start talking and Eli confronts his dad about his latest vision where he was trying to save a woman but she ends up dying and her heart is now viable for someone else... his dad explains that humans don't get to know everything or understand why things happen a certain way.... Eli argues with him because after all he is a lawyer and his dad explains that basically the heart which he thought was meant for the women he saw in his vision and thought would be saved by it... was for a girl named Grace (from previous episodes.. is a little bit like Eli) who Eli has a connection with because Grace also has a physical ailment that could cause her to die in an instant... and Eli is amazed as his dad explains the bigger mysteries that we so oftentimes don't get to really see or hear in real life when things don't go as planned...
Eli asks his dad... well was this all a test?? and his dad responds by saying.. it's all a test... life is a test... and Eli looks frustrated... but then his dad turns to him and says... Eli I'm so proud of you because you are passing with flying colors...
I started tearing up because in that moment I realized my prayer was God... I wanna be like that... I want to hear you say that to me at the end of my life.. that I passed with flying colors... and how proud He is of me... It also reminded me of the time I was told by my sister over a situation I didn't understand... that I passed! I remember just breaking down crying... relieved to hear those words even though I still don't fully understand to this day everything that happened in that situation....
I know that was a lot of explaining just to get to one part... but it wouldn't have as much significance without a back story.... I am about to embark on a small journey with a few others about what it means to break free... I can't wait to see what God does through it because it could not have come at a better time...
There is power in the name of Jesus... to break every chain... :)
In that time I watched A LOT of TV.... especially towards the tail end of last week. My roomie and I started watching Eli Stone on Netflix and totally got hooked. We finished the 1st season and about half way through the 2nd one last week.... tonight I finished the rest of season 2 and it is the main point of this entry...
For background sake: Eli Stone is a lawyer who gets diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and starts seeing visions... soon he starts learning that these visions aren't just hallucinations but God prompting him to take on certain cases or predicting what's to come... Eli is not a believer and dismisses these crazy things he's seeing but through it he learns about himself and also about his father who suffered the same aneurysms as well as visions (which Eli and his brother thought his dad was crazy and just a drunk but they learn later that their dad predicted their lives in a way they could never imagine)
Its cool because both ym and I have had dreams.. visions while sleeping... some of hers have come true.. as have some of mine. It was really interesting watching it from a secular show which explains all the late nights and watching "just one more" episode.. hehe.
Unfortunately it only lasted two seasons... and as I watched the finale... I was really struck by how it ended. Eli meets his earthly dad in a vision (ironically in a snow globe) and talks to him... asking if his earthly dad who he sees and knows is dead is really God.. his dad just answers that it's complicated. They start talking and Eli confronts his dad about his latest vision where he was trying to save a woman but she ends up dying and her heart is now viable for someone else... his dad explains that humans don't get to know everything or understand why things happen a certain way.... Eli argues with him because after all he is a lawyer and his dad explains that basically the heart which he thought was meant for the women he saw in his vision and thought would be saved by it... was for a girl named Grace (from previous episodes.. is a little bit like Eli) who Eli has a connection with because Grace also has a physical ailment that could cause her to die in an instant... and Eli is amazed as his dad explains the bigger mysteries that we so oftentimes don't get to really see or hear in real life when things don't go as planned...
Eli asks his dad... well was this all a test?? and his dad responds by saying.. it's all a test... life is a test... and Eli looks frustrated... but then his dad turns to him and says... Eli I'm so proud of you because you are passing with flying colors...
I started tearing up because in that moment I realized my prayer was God... I wanna be like that... I want to hear you say that to me at the end of my life.. that I passed with flying colors... and how proud He is of me... It also reminded me of the time I was told by my sister over a situation I didn't understand... that I passed! I remember just breaking down crying... relieved to hear those words even though I still don't fully understand to this day everything that happened in that situation....
I know that was a lot of explaining just to get to one part... but it wouldn't have as much significance without a back story.... I am about to embark on a small journey with a few others about what it means to break free... I can't wait to see what God does through it because it could not have come at a better time...
There is power in the name of Jesus... to break every chain... :)
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