That's what this past weekend was all about... I went to a retreat with just the singles (plus a few brave college kids). We haven't had a retreat like this in awhile and I think it was pretty needed...
The week leading up to the retreat was pretty crazy and horrible... enough that I wasn't really sure I wanted to go anymore. Things picked up towards the end of the week but I didn't feel ready to go...
God is funny because it's ALWAYS when you least expect something that He surprises you. I went into this retreat a little bit distracted, preoccupied and with no expectations but a chance to be away from the city and be around good company... but God (as He usually does) had other plans.
As the speaker spoke over three sessions about First Love... God was up to something else... The first session the speaker shared a story that is so accurately depicting something that I'm about to do... Not sure that it was "prophetic" but it was too alike for me to dismiss it as mere coincidence... In session 2, there were many great points but like the first session, something he shared stuck out to me. He said that unforgiveness stifles our love with God. BAM! As soon as he said that, a conversation I had with a friend earlier in the week regarding the crazy, horrible things I mentioned at the beginning of this entry ran through my mind.
Initially as she was sharing her thoughts with me I thought it was just general advice... but as it played through my mind something clicked... these two pieces belong together!!! You might be curious about her advice and how it has anything to do with what the speaker shared... She said over my situation... that there must be a reason God is not allowing it to just go away... why it keeps coming up... that God is preparing me for something else by making me see this thing through all the way... but I dismissed it because that's not what I wanted to hear... hahaha. But you know those two pieces didn't even sink in until after the sermon was over and I was walking with a friend to get lunch... As I was sharing with her... I started realizing almost instantaneously that God is quite possibly calling me to actively and voluntarily pray for the people I want to forgive the least. So far it's only by the Holy Spirit's prompting that I will pray for them... and usually I do it but very grudgingly... the crazier thing is that I think this is the key to unlocking what God has been waiting to give me...(still not sure what that is but pretty sure I want it). I'm not talking about generally but I specifically have people that I struggle to forgive and the enemy knows it... he throws it back in my face from time to time... the timing is the most interesting part because a few weeks ago I was sharing how I felt God had healed a lot of me but there were a few remnants left... small pieces but still so jagged... it felt like God wanted to remove those last remaining pieces too... I just didn't ever think that it would have to be in this way... My flesh is fighting so hard because it's not something I want to do... but my spirit is stronger and I have to know and trust that if God deems this to be the way it must be the best way possible for me and for Him. So practically speaking... I said that I would pray for them every day until the Lord finally removes this from me. It's not going to be easy... I haven't even started it and already so much of me is hesitating... but I gotta keep my eye on the prize!!
Initially as she was sharing her thoughts with me I thought it was just general advice... but as it played through my mind something clicked... these two pieces belong together!!! You might be curious about her advice and how it has anything to do with what the speaker shared... She said over my situation... that there must be a reason God is not allowing it to just go away... why it keeps coming up... that God is preparing me for something else by making me see this thing through all the way... but I dismissed it because that's not what I wanted to hear... hahaha. But you know those two pieces didn't even sink in until after the sermon was over and I was walking with a friend to get lunch... As I was sharing with her... I started realizing almost instantaneously that God is quite possibly calling me to actively and voluntarily pray for the people I want to forgive the least. So far it's only by the Holy Spirit's prompting that I will pray for them... and usually I do it but very grudgingly... the crazier thing is that I think this is the key to unlocking what God has been waiting to give me...(still not sure what that is but pretty sure I want it). I'm not talking about generally but I specifically have people that I struggle to forgive and the enemy knows it... he throws it back in my face from time to time... the timing is the most interesting part because a few weeks ago I was sharing how I felt God had healed a lot of me but there were a few remnants left... small pieces but still so jagged... it felt like God wanted to remove those last remaining pieces too... I just didn't ever think that it would have to be in this way... My flesh is fighting so hard because it's not something I want to do... but my spirit is stronger and I have to know and trust that if God deems this to be the way it must be the best way possible for me and for Him. So practically speaking... I said that I would pray for them every day until the Lord finally removes this from me. It's not going to be easy... I haven't even started it and already so much of me is hesitating... but I gotta keep my eye on the prize!!
Session 3 was the last sermon our speaker gave before he had to jet away that night to get back to his home church. This one was pretty cool because he spoke on a passage that is well known... Jesus walking on water but he explained it in a way I had not ever heard before. Most people (including myself) read that passage and see Peter wanting to step out in faith... but then after he steps out of the boat, he freaks out and starts sinking. To me... Peter failed. But what I failed to notice was not one of the other 12 disciples EVER dared to ask or do the same as Peter... The speaker pointed out that Peter didn't fail... he said rather we fail when Jesus says come and we don't go... or when we do fall, we don't call out to Jesus but look to other things to save us. Peter saw an opportunity where the others saw the obstacles.
He ended the session asking all of us what our boats are that we need to step out of because we all have one... and as he was saying it.. immediately I felt the Lord press it on my heart for a sister of mine... it was crazy because it wasn't a logical desire of mine. I wasn't sitting there thinking oh that message is for her... it was, again, instantaneous. As the speaker spoke it I felt the Lord pressing it so firmly into my heart for her.. as if those words were the very thing God wanted to specifically say to her... Step out of the boat. It wasn't until after that I started realizing that my prayers for her before we even got to the retreat were in line with what I felt God himself was desiring for her. And then another sister came to mind as well... God wanting specifically for them to step out of their boats despite the wind, the choppy waters, being far away from the shore, the dark of night, how deep the water might be...despite everything around them saying don't do it... Jesus says Come...and that they will... we all will go.
There's something really special about this year... God is setting things into motion... I can't wait til the end of this year to be able to reflect back and speak with excitement, amazement and wonder to all the things the Lord was able to accomplish!!
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